But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
