just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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