Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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