Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
only you would photoshop your dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
