This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
me + whiskey = a bad person
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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