At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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