He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
