if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
