Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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