I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
