She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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