At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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