he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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