i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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