I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
