I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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