so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
