my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
