Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
