I love black thongs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
