I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
