Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
