this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's like iHOP with fire
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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