She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
