hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
