I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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