I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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