I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
