The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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