Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
