dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
