he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
