I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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