So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
