You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
