i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
