But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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