I think i peed on brittanys purse
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
