I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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