Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
