Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
