i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
