I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
