Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
