She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
