I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
