my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
