Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
smell my finger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
