On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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