I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
