no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
