Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
