thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
