So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
