i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
