I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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