You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
