Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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