I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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