Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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