its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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