dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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