I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight