jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.