well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
