Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....