the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.