I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child