weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dating After Heartbreak
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.