Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.